


This Is How It Happens

by DeathValleyQueen



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, POV Second Person, perceived underage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-21
Updated: 2013-11-21
Packaged: 2018-01-02 05:03:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1052836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeathValleyQueen/pseuds/DeathValleyQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of how Killian gives in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Is How It Happens

This is how it happens: when you are drunk and the jungle is dark, and everything has been taken from you. When your wife is dead and you’ve fled the only life you’ve ever known to start a new one in the unforgiving seas surrounding a place you swore never to return to. It happens after you rescue your wife’s child, the one she had with another man, the man she left for you. It happens after you give that child up because you never could be a father. Your wife had tried to talk you into it but it was never for you. Children on a pirate ship? No, there was never any children in your life. None but her child who appeared long after her death. Well, her child, and the demon who lived on the island.

So it happens after you are allowed on the island by said demon. You come on land, your crew sets up camp, you try to be happy but really you just want to be drunk. So you wonder off, a bottle in your hand, putting your camp behind you to go… you aren’t sure where. Before you know it you are standing at the water fall. It’s the same one your brother drank from after he was poisoned. You know if you drink this water you’ll never be able to leave, just like he was never able to leave. You lower yourself onto the ground. You pull you shoes off and dip your toes into the water. You drink. You try not to remember. You remember anyways.

You are almost completely wasted when there’s a warm body pressed against yours. Somehow, you know who it is before he speaks. Maybe it’s his scent (black licorice and burning wood) or maybe it’s because no one else could possibly move that quietly in the woods. But when he says “Feeling lonely, Captain?” You aren’t even a little surprised that it’s Pan.

“Just a little nostalgic.” You are lying. You are pretty sure he can tell you are lying because of the way he laughs. Suddenly he is right in front of you, sitting on your lap. His arms go around your neck. You’ve never really had the chance to study him this close. His face is so young but his eyes… Looking into those eyes is like looking up at the stars and knowing they are old. So much older than anything on earth. Looking into Pan’s eyes you feel small and young.

“Don’t be sad, Killian,” he says. “You’re in Neverland! And in Neverland everyone has everything they want.”

“Everyone, or just you.”

He smiles and it is not a kind smile. It’s a crocodile’s smile. He lifts your hand, the one with the hook. He runs his tongue along the curve of it, his eyes never leaving yours. “I think you’ll find that what I want and what you want are very closely aligned, Killian.”

You hate the twitch in your pants at his words. You hate that you are interested. You’ve always known that men could sway you just as much as women. You and Milah had even enjoyed the company of a second man in bed before (she was so open, so willing to try new things, so adventurous and god how you miss her sometimes). But Pan isn’t a man.

“Stop it,” You push him away and stand, swaying slightly as you try to walk away. He’s in front of you again, pushing you down until you fall back first onto the damp earth. Pan straddles your hips again, fingers splaying over your chest.

“Why should I? It’s not as if you don’t want to play.” He rolls his hips against yours, grinding his crotch against your very interested one. “And it’s been so long since I’ve had anyone to play this game with.”

“You’re a child,” you say, not sure if you are explaining or reminding yourself.

Pan laughs. It feels your head until you think you might drown from it. “We both know that’s not entirely true, don’t we, Killian?”

Yes. Pan may look seventeen but Killian knows he is older. Probably much older. Still, he might as well be as young as he looks for how OK it would be too sleep with him. That is, not ok at all. “This is wrong, mate,” you say, though your resolve is fading with every slow roll of his perfect ass.

He slowly leans down. His lips press against your ear sending shivers down your spine. “You’re a pirate. When has wrong ever mattered to you?”

Something breaks. You do not roll him over and take him like a wild animal. You probably could, he doesn’t weigh all that much. Instead you let him rip clothes off both of you. You kiss each other until you forget how to breathe. He rubs his cock against yours until your toes curl, your back arches and—

“Peter!”

In the morning, he is gone and you are alone.

You wish you could say that was the only time. You wish you could say you were drunk and that you never gave in again. You wish that you were a better man, a stronger man who could say no to someone like Pan. But you can’t. Almost every night Pan comes and every time he does you give in. You let him take you not because you feel guilty or bullied but because you want to. Because it feels good and you like it. You also hate yourself for it every morning. Every time, after, you swear that was the last time. You won’t look into those eyes. You won’t kiss that unyielding mouth. You won’t touch that soft skin.

You won’t.

You won’t.

You will.

Eventually the guilt starts to rot you from the inside out. You can’t see your reflection and see anything you like. It doesn’t matter that Pan is much older than he looks. You know that the world would be unhappy with you. They would, rightfully, call you a monster. Men shouldn’t want that kind of thing from teens, even if the teen was a pixie in human form.

When you leave the island, you tell the crew it’s because you are going after The Dark One. In reality, it’s so that you can put Pan behind you. He never really leaves you, though. When you sleep you still feel him. You still touch him. You still want him. On the worst nights, you fear you might even love him.

You will never come back to Neverland. You will never touch him again. You can still be saved if you never, ever touch him again…

Which of course means you find a sense of duty to go after the grand child of your long dead wife. It means you find yourself back in Neverland, back where you know Pan waits. Did he take Henry because he knew you would follow? Was this, all of this, just a new way of getting to you?

You don’t want to believe that’s true but that first night on the island, when you wander off to take a piss, he’s there.

“Hello, Killian.”

You want to resist. You want to leave now.

His lips taste exactly the same as they had all those years ago. And with that kiss, you are damned.


End file.
